As I sat on the floor crying, and drinking a beer, I felt myself questioning, “what the fuck is wrong with me?” I’ve wondered for many years if I was depressed, but always found myself talking myself out of it. I talk MYSELF out of many feelings. I have a very loving family, but if you’ve ever dabbled the thought of depression, those oh so loving people don’t even matter. They have no idea what is in your brain. They just want to comfort you while you Kim K ugly cry on the floor. “You will be okay”. “It is not a big deal”. “Just calm down”. While I know their intentions, their comments only irate my already confused, mad, anxious, stressed, whatever feeling it may be, brain.
So, back to me sitting on the floor… I thought about my day. I didn’t tackle the pile of laundry that have been causing me panic attacks for the past month, I didn’t scrub the kitchen, I didn’t clean the house, I didn’t workout, I DIDN’T DO A DAMN THING. I went to watch my parent’s dogs and sit on the couch for four hours. I came home and decided to watch Say Yes to the Dress and Marley and Me. WTF? WHY? Jennifer Aniston’s character had a miscarriage, which made me cry an irrational amount because we have been “trying” for the last four months and I fear that my bae suffers from super high spermies that refuse to make their way into Lady Town. BUT, I just quit my job because I literally make not enough to support myself and I know we are not financially ready, however, I sobbed. Now, during SYTTD, I realized that bae and I are broke bitches who are now both servers/bartenders and probably won’t be getting married any time soon, hence sob number 2. Sob #3 came from all of the sobbing.
So there I sat on the floor wondering what the fuck I can do to make myself feel the slightest bit better. I looked up depression quotes on Pinterest, looked up a therapist, thought about all of the people I couldn’t call, considered my Swear Word adult coloring book, but I landed on posting my bitching for the world to stumble upon. So, here I am.
I am a twenty something teacher who loves to swear, drink beer, and find myself hilarious when I am not sobbing on the floor. I may also be depressed, but who knows. I deal with all of my emotions fairly well until I can no longer bottle them up. I plan to share every single drunken, crazy, sad, exciting, or fucked emotion with you. I hope you find comfort, pity, or pure pleasure out of them.
Twenty Something Bitch