A revelation has occurred in me. I am in my early twenties and I have all the power in the world to make myself happy. This past week has brought many new and exciting challenges to my life.
This was my first year as a teacher and I hated it. I was overwhelmed by the constant feeling of drowning in paperwork, grading, professional developments, meetings, planning, testing, data, teaching a mandated curriculum, etc. Mind you, I only get a 45 minute break every 5 out of 7 days. Some weeks, I only get 2 days of prep time in the week, like this week. I was stressed, upset, and lost all meaning of taking care of myself. I would come home after work and fall asleep on the couch, but wake up overwhelmed with the fact that I needed to get those papers graded or that lesson planned for tomorrow because I didn’t have time in the day. I brought work home every night, every weekend, every break. Now while it did not always get done, the stress to get it done drowned me. On top of all of this, my state is facing major budget cuts and let’s not even get started on DeVoss.
Making the decision to resign from teaching was a hard one for me. I love the kids. I think they are brilliant souls and I enjoy watching them grow and flourish on their own. My mom is literally one of the best teachers in the state- Top 4 in 2016. I had big shoes to fill and I was determined to fill them. Student teaching was amazing, but in a different district, I was set up with unrealistic expectations. The stress and never ending break from work left me miserable and I needed a change. Up until my sophomore year of college, I was declared as working towards a nursing degree. I went to plan B to become a teacher because of the kids. I wanted to be a neonatal nurse and I couldn’t imagine the sorrow I would feel losing a patient, but with age, I’ve discovered the passion I have towards bringing comfort to that baby, child, or family. I am still in it for the kids, but my mission is different now.
During my spring break, I met with a advisor and got enrolled back in school to work towards my second degree. I start classes this summer and I am so fucking excited. I am starting my life over with a new career.
I have also mentioned the disdain I have towards my body. After that blog, Weight gain.. ugh, I did go to the gym. I have worked out every other day since then. Yesterday, I began telling myself the mantra, “I know you are in there” “I will get you out”. I am determined to get my body back to a better place than where it was 3 years ago! So much so that I have even started Whole30 yesterday.
Whole30 is no fucking joke. I am so reliant on sugar and gluten that I have already experienced headaches in the two days that I have cut it out! It is so hard to be restrictive to just proteins, veggies, and fruits, but like the site says “cancer is hard”. Eating the right foods to FUEL your body IS NOT HARD, but girl, I am already planning on some Mac and Cheese with a nice cold beer on day 31! As difficult as a life change this has been, it is necessary. I am resetting my body.
I am starting over.
Twenty Something Bitch